Herbert A. Beas II hört auf [Archiv]

Rote Baron

02.04.2007, 09:35

Wie viele schon gedacht haben, war es der diesjährige April-Scherz.

Everyone,

Before I start in on what promises to be a very long and drawn out post here—likely followed by a thread lockdown just because, well, these things have to run their course—I want to thank each and every one of you who has posted here and fired off PMs to me. As I look on the thread at this moment, there have been over a hundred posts in the less than 24 hours this thread has existed. I see lots of emotion, lots of heart-felt well-wishing, lots of uncertainty, and lots of rather pronounced anger. I hope in the course of this post to address all of you (collectively, if not individually) in regards to the thought process behind what many of you have already surmised as an April Fool’s Day joke.

Yeah, I’m sorry folks, but I was kidding. Sort of, anyway. The fact that writers and playtesters alike were fooled by this announcement demonstrated to me that a mixture of truth in fabrication can indeed have the most convincing effect, and when I was asked by an entity I shall leave nameless to come up with a good gag on short notice—after what I assure you was a MUCH funnier gag fell through—I said the thing had to look credible enough to be believed, or, well, it simply wouldn’t be much of a joke, would it?

So what was true then? Well, while I most certainly am not stepping down just yet…if and when I eventually do (and I can imagine very few circumstances in which such a thing may occur), for starters, it WON’T be posted on 4/1. We FanPro people are VERY conscious that we always seem to run a gag of some kind on April 1 here, and for that reason, any resignations, changes in leadership, and so forth…they simply won’t be announced at all within a week of that date (not if they’re serious, anyway). But if and when I do step down, my notice WILL in fact read a lot like what you just saw here. The key difference—unless Randall decides to fire me (or I get killed, incarcerated, or otherwise incapacitated in the process)—is that I would NOT cut and run so abruptly. In the business world, no one can just drop everything a long-standing job like this, leaving over a dozen coworkers hanging, and still call himself “responsible”. There has got to be a weaning process, a transference of documents and notes to other authors and so forth, perhaps even with successors named. If a major crisis did develop that tore me away so abruptly, you would more likely see nothing at all from me, and my fellow writers and developers would be scratching their heads for a few weeks, trying to figure it out, maybe making urgent cell phone calls and such. Failing any reply, they will then bite the bullet, gather what data they can from others on the assignments (Randall and I share the assignment notes all the time in case of just such a catastrophe), and move on without me.

I know this because after ten years in this business, I have seen these extremes unfold. The writing business—especially in game design—is not all that kind. We work in what many see as a weakening industry, pencil and paper being squeezed by the computer and console game markets, with some trying to innovate by switching to cards and others to collectible miniatures. All of these efforts are laudable; they help keep the gaming industry strong and vital, but the profit margins are quite low, and as I learned at a recent seminar, “success can kill as surely as failure”. But most of the CBT staff—including myself—are freelancers; we depend on work handed down to us from the FanPro overlords, and there are sometimes fewer of us available, thanks to schedule demands. What we do get paid, frankly, is not enough to support a family. Maybe if I was still 25, single, with no car, and living with four other roommates in my parents’ spare apartment, I could make a good go of it. But I’m 35 now, married, with five cats (still cheaper to raise than one child, sorry) and two cars to look after, while saving up for a house. Since my name isn’t Stephen King, Michael Chrichton, or someone else whose books grace the best-seller lists at Barnes & Noble, the odds of my pulling that off on a writer’s pay are not slim to none, they’re downright zilch. In the last year alone, I have had three day jobs, sometimes juggling two of them simultaneously with writing. And in the last week, I agonized about taking a second day job to supplement the pay I make at a full-time overnight job I took when neither of the other jobs I had earlier in the year paid the bills. I finally decided against that course of action for the simple reason that it would’ve taken up my Saturdays—the only day myself and my wife Beckie have off together (we may work in the same building, but our shifts are almost polar opposites, to the point where we sometimes wave to each other in passing as I drive in and she drives out). My situation, however, is downright luxurious compared to what I have seen and heard from colleagues throughout this industry. I will not name any names, but I have known cases where writers have lost their spouses and children or been driven into poverty while pursuing this dream of writing. (In one of the most extreme cases, the writer in question had his home and computer seized while he was at work, and his developer needed to reassign an entire sourcebook to a new author with a pretty non-existent deadline.) I’ve had colleagues so stunned by these stories that they wonder what could cause such a thing and whether it could happen to them as easily.

It most assuredly can. So in that respect, then, I can see how my suggesting similar crises for myself as part of a “gag” might seem to be callous and tasteless. For that, I do sincerely apologize, but I would hope that it still served the purpose of underscoring the fact that it DID make for a credible explanation as to why I would have to depart. Those who know me well know that I am a perpetual worrier. I fret over money and health, knowing that my family stands one disaster or dispute away from losing everything. We spent the coldest days of what was a thankfully mild winter without heat, because our furnace broke down. There are heavy debates whenever we discuss taking even two days off work to travel out of state, wrangling over whether we can afford it. Beckie’s no mooch; she knows the value of a dollar as well as I, but my mind always lingers on that worry over what the worst that can happen might be.

For me, that’s paranoia, but for others in this industry, it may be harsh reality. And we ALL know it can happen to any of us, at any time.

Explaining this, however, when a product comes out that’s either been horrifically delayed or was rather badly written…that can look like an excuse to some folks, a sign of poor domestic management, maybe. Sure, I could’ve come up with a more comical reason to “quit” (one suggested approach I got was that Beckie had just told me she was pregnant—and anyone who knows me knows that I’d consider THAT a world-shattering tragedy), but in lacing my real-life worries through the message, I put in enough truth not only to have my own colleagues going “WTF?”, but to—hopefully—shed light on the very real day-to-day trials that all of us face, and how they can cripple a writer in a moment’s notice just as they can anyone else. Once again, if it came off as tasteless, I want to fully apologize here. It’s entirely my fault if I can’t get my message across just right.

So, that covers (I hope) the “how”s and “why”s of the post. Moving on to your comments, I notice that a lot fell into two very heartfelt categories.

To the “we’re gonna miss you, Herb” group, I would like to thank all of you for your support—even when you tempered it with “…assuming you’re not putting us on, that is” clauses. If you feel that YOU were taken for a ride on this one, though, talk to Beckie; once, when we were just starting to date, I proposed to her just to prove that she’d fall for it (Really! I put on a deeply serious face, looked her square in the eye, took her hands in mine, and proposed; when she stammer-whispered out a “Yes”, I hit her with a grin and a “Gotcha!”—and proceeded to feel like a complete ham for the rest of the evening….). Rest assured, you guys, that your words of support really meant a lot to me, and I hope that you feel the same toward the rest of our BattleTech “family” as well. (And, hopefully, if and when the “real deal” ever comes down to me leaving, you guys will still feel the same way; I’d really hate to think I burned up all my karma here…)

To the “Good riddance, Herb” group, I would also like to thank you for your support—if not for me, than at least for BattleTech, be it as a game, or as a universe. You may not count yourself one of MY fans, but you’re still A fan of the game (or universe), and your gaming table or RPG sessions don’t even have to acknowledge what we’re doing with the story (don’t ever let someone tell you different). I realize that for some of you folks, the current story arc is a living nightmare, and the fact that we as writers seem to be enjoying what we’re doing with it appears to go beyond cruelty. I won’t start in with the “it’s a war game, so get over it” speech; if you were to do that, then maybe you would feel that you somehow don’t care enough for the game or the universe you fell in love with any more. I WILL say that I personally and profoundly apologize for any times where I gave the impression that I was “out to get you”. I have ever striven to ensure that our playtesters, fact-checkers, and writers are professional at all times, but sometimes, we too give in to our inner fanboyisms. I won’t apologize for enjoying the story, however; the plain and simple fact is, that if we hated it, our work would surely suffer, and then you wouldn’t simply be talking smack about how much we hated your favorite characters and factions and universe, but just how utterly horrible the fluff and rules were as we got closer and closer to those moments we hate most.

Once more, folks, happy April Fool’s Day, and I promise I won’t play a trick THIS cruel again in the years to come! (Heck, with any luck, the much funnier gag we were considering will be available instead…unless I can’t hold it any longer and just post it somewhere anyway!) I want to thank everyone for their kind and not-so-kind words. Believe me, I read them all, and I hope that it made you smile, cry, or thoughtful at least somewhere along the way. Given the…113 posts I see now (wow!) at least I know nobody can say that this community is in any danger of fading away any time soon!

Take care, all!

- Herbert A. Beas II
(Still) CBT Assistant Line Developer